[I have edited this introduction a few times, for clarification and also as I have further understood my own personal connection to what I wrote]
This poem is for people who have been hurt at church or who go to unsafe churches.
Edited to add: it’s also about me, but to the extent it’s about me, it’s a reflection on past experiences rather than a current cry of pain/anger. I was definitely wounded but as best I can tell the wound is healed.
In general the poem brings in a number of themes related to being in a church community.
It’s deliberately edgy and provocative.
Fwiw – since tone is hard to read in writing – it’s supposed to be assertive rather than intentionally offensive.
Edited to add: I suppose it probably sounds angry as well as assertive because the author is angry. It is written after boundaries have already begun to be violated ie abuse is already happening; or at least the threat of it is real and imminent. Anger is an appropriate response to having one’s boundaries violated or to being abused.
For what it’s worth, because it may be important for some people to hear this: I believe that a lot of abuse happens at the hands of well-intentioned people who would never knowingly abuse others. Who probably haven’t realized that some of what they do is actually abusive.
Anyway, the poem:
Boundaries for Christians: A Declaration of Independence
Jesus is my Lord and Savior
You are not my Lord or my Savior
You do not have the right to tell me,
Another adult,
What to do.
I do not need to be ‘saved’
By you.
I am doing fine without your help,
Thanks but no thanks.
Jesus is my friend
It is up to me to decide
Whether you can be my friend or not.
When I invited Jesus into my life.
I didn’t put ‘plus one’
On the invitation.
I trust Jesus
I don’t trust you
Because you haven’t done anything
To earn my trust yet.
I listen to Jesus
I don’t have to listen to you
I will listen, though
If you say something
Worth listening to.
Jesus is the Way
Your way is not necessarily my way
Jesus is the Truth
I have a right to ascertain for myself
Whether what you say is true
Jesus is the Life
I have a right to not have you
Interfere with my life
In any way.
Jesus is the Word
I have the right to reject your words
If they do not ring true for me.
You have no right to call me a liar
Simply because
[your interpretation of]
Words written around 2000+ years ago
(by men)
Seem incompatible
With my own self-understanding
And my own very identity.
You have no right
To make assumptions about me as a woman
Because of what that book says
That was written a long time ago
By men.
You have no right
To tell me what to do
Based on your interpretation of that book.
You have no right
To call me a sinner
Based on your interpretation of that book.
Jesus died for me
And I am thankful for that.
I am under no obligation
To accept your sacrifices on my account
Or be grateful for them.
You live your best life
And I will live mine.
I believe in the Holy Spirit
(the “still small voice” inside)
I have the right
not to share our private chats
with you.
I enjoy praising God
Since God is worth praising.
I am under no obligation to praise you
Your insecurity is not my problem
Your problems are not mine to solve
You already were a sex addict
Before I walked past you in a short skirt.
I could go on but
Let’s cut to the chase:
Just because I’m a Christian
That doesn’t give you the right to abuse me
Physically, mentally or emotionally.
Helen Mildenhall
November 2021
Please do not use without permission
Amen, sister! I can barely call myself a Christian these days!
Hi April, it’s great to see you again – it’s been a while!
Whatever the label, I remember you as a kind person who helped me at a difficult time in my life, and I appreciate that 🙂
“I believe in the Holy Spirit
(the “still small voice†inside)
I have the right
not to share our private chats
with you.”
My goodness, that nails Willow Creek’s Gestapo style eldering to a “T.” If you step out of line (don’t drink the Koolaid), offend Hybles’ masculinity (by being recognised at WCCC as a potential “rising star” or having a wife he “fancies” or both) then the elders hold meetings and start asking questions *of* you and *about* you looking for whatever skeletons you must have in your closet. If you have skeletons, those get you railroaded out of town (that list is long~even if someone turns to “a skeleton” because his wife is being groomed by Hybles). No skeletons? Willow makes life so uncomfortable for you that you just leave (that list is shorter, but it exists) *or* Willow just holds that individual to a *much* higher standard than they would everyone else currently employed.
This doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It occurs with a lot of damage to the Body of Christ. But also with settled lawsuits, “Non-Disparagement Agreements” and a cult like belief that we, The Body, shouldn’t speak out against a cancer growing within.
Thank you for speaking out with your poem.